By: Fr. Emmanuel Wenke, OFM Conv
From the time I was a novice friar, I felt called to live my Franciscan vocation as a consecrated religious brother.
Our Order is blessed to include both friars who are priests and friars who are consecrated brothers. While we live under the same roof, wear the same habit, and have the same voice in virtually all community decisions, the ministerial callings of friar priests and friar brothers are unique.
Friar-priests are called primarily to sacramental ministry, to preaching, and to pastoral leadership. Friar-brothers identify especially with Christ as brother, seeking to live out a life of radical companionship and of commitment to works of mercy and service. St. Francis himself never sought priestly ordination, a fact that caught and held my attention especially in my early years of formation. If consecrated religious brotherhood was the way Francis lived out his call to holiness, I concluded that path would be more than sufficient for me.
After completing my novitiate and my first Theology degree, I transitioned to full time teaching as a friar-brother in a Franciscan high school. Though life as a beginner teacher was difficult, I was very content and happy with the thought of living the rest of my life as a friar-brother and teacher. I loved my vocation and at that time had no intentions or desires for anything more.
On various occasions during my first years as a teacher, I had the opportunity to bring the Blessed Sacrament to patients in healthcare facilities. Time and again I was asked to anoint the sick and to hear confessions but had to sadly decline. I started experiencing an increasingly strong draw towards the idea of celebrating Mass and proclaiming the Gospel. I found myself longing to share God’s mercy and imagined myself hearing confessions, saying the words of absolution, and reconciling my brothers and sisters with our Father and His Church. In short, everything about priesthood began to preoccupy my mind, yet, surprisingly, I never considered that these experiences could be God’s way of initiating an invitation to priestly ministry.
In September of 2018, I made my solemn vows as a Friar, publicly committing myself to live for the rest of my life according to the Rule of St. Francis and the Constitutions of the Order. I was glad to be “done discerning,” free to live my religious life as faithfully and fully as I could until the end of my days. Yet, preoccupation with the various facets of priestly ministry only intensified. Time and again, I would dismiss these distracting thoughts and sentiments until finally one day, I got so exasperated that I called a dear friend to vent my frustrations. He immediately said to me, “This sounds an awful lot like you are being called to become a priest. Why aren’t you pursuing that already? It seems as clear as day!”
I proceeded to give him a thorough account of how happy I was as a brother, how meaningful the vocation was, how I was content to be a brother and teacher. My friend simply said to me: “None of your reasons mentioned anything about what God is calling you to do right now. They have nothing to do with Jesus, just with YOUR vision and YOUR plans.”
I was stunned. I did not know what to say. He was right. I had so thoroughly taken ownership of my vocation that I failed to realize that it was all about letting God be the one in charge. About being genuinely open to wherever the Holy Spirit would lead me. I had stopped listening, and pre-emptively concluded that my vocation was already settled, without considering that God could have begun calling me to ministry as a friar-priest, albeit later than most. I presumed that because God did not make that clear to me as a novice friar, when we typically determine which of the two “callings withing a calling” we will pursue, it was no longer on the table for me. How wrong I was!
My friend counseled me to take this all to prayer; to give God permission to make me His priest if He willed, asking for clarity and peace. Over the coming weeks, the sense of confirmation was immediate. In speaking with my spiritual director and closest friends, the support and encouragement I received was universal. It was as if everyone recognized God’s call for me long before I did! Within a year, I received permission to begin formal studies for ordination. My time of study and preparation since then has been filled with such a sense of peace and purpose, and of longing to communicate the merciful love of Jesus to the world as a friar-priest.
As I begin my priestly ministry, I am so grateful for God’s patience with me and the unique way my vocation has unfolded. Looking back, I realize the importance of maintaining a prayerful posture of openness and listening for God’s continued guidance as we live out our respective vocations. Sometimes God’s call to new ways of serving others can be unexpected, arising just when we feel settled and comfortable. As an elderly nun once counseled me shortly after I joined the friars: “The Holy Spirit is waiting for you just outside your comfort zone!” Reflecting on my journey to priesthood, I think I can safely say that she was right!
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